I’m tired of only attracting men I am not attracted to.
The type of men I could never love…
…the type of men that are so much the opposite
of what attracts me.
Is this a failing on my part?
Am I not doing enough to make myself attractive,
attractive enough for Men,
attractive inside and out?
Maybe it’s time to change me.
And become someone I like.
To become someone they could love.
My strength of will has been weak of late…
…but I am hopeful for tomorrow.
Her siblings move away, one by one, beyond her reach.
Going…
…going…
…gone.
No longer the tight-knit family.
Easily visited and amused.
But venturing away…
…away from her.
Are they leaving her behind?
Or is she the one standing still?
Failing to move forward,
Stuck where she stands.
Ever unchanging.
Is she left behind?
Or standing still?
I went down in a blaze of glory—heck, who am I kidding? There was nothing glorious about it.
I crashed and burned.
Three and a half weeks left…and I am defeated. My willpower has crumbled…ha, it was never there to begin with! What happened to that determination, that conviction I held just months ago? I shifted the weight easily through mental power alone…
Where has it gone?
My all or nothing attitude is merely lighting the path to my self-destruction.
Failure tastes bitter; it makes me sick.
How do I get it back? Willpower. Strength. Dedication. Conviction. Courage. Hope. ME.
Do I need to break again? Suffer such mental and emotional anguish that the switch is flicked? No, I don’t want to go through that. Not again. I need to be strong. I need to rise up and face this on my own. No one’s going to hold my hand, and stand by my side the whole way.
Be accountable to myself. No one’s holding me back but me.
I’ve crashed and burned…can I rise from the ashes of who I was, a phoenix rising from a blazing sun, and soar to freedom?
Four weeks. Four weeks ’til D’Day. Weight to be lost. Fitness to be gained.
With an ankle injury? You must be joking.
No, no negativity. I can do it. I WILL do it.
I have to do it.
Like a Leaf in the Breeze 